You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
