Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
