I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
