I'm eating all of the evidence.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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