his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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