Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
