A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
