Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
