Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
