I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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