There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
