we have officially lost it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize