he thought i was a dude.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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