puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
