1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
