OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
