Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize