Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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