We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
