Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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