Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
