i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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