..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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