do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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