i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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