I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
