Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
