I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
