So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
