if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Holy shit dude........stairs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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