I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
