He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
accomplished twins. life is a go
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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