there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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