She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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