she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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