I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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