ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
