You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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