tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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