I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
