Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
