she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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