hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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