that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
In America we eat man semen.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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