Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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