Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
