i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
