he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize