Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
