remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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