Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
