I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
