Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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