Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
