Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
