dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just tell him i said nine months
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
