the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
