I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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