Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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