You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
