So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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