sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
